Time Off

I finished my first semester about 2 weeks ago and it honestly has been really nice being able to relax and have more time for myself. I’ve been able to sleep in, stay up late, and do nothing for some time and it’s been great! I get to hang out with my friends more and wander around more, but I’ve also felt like I was stuck in a loop. Everyday feels like the weekend now, and I haven’t been doing things that help me grow and learn because I relied on school to do that for me. Now, I have to figure it out myself. It’s has been really hard to know what I want to do for myself, and how I want to spend my day more effectively and productively, so I just let myself continue to “relax”. It became a constant cycle and I got comfortable with it. I began to forget what day it was and what I did the other day. I thought by relaxing and not thinking about anything I’d be less stressed. Instead, became less and less mindful and aware. 

I constantly get reminded to do things for myself, but now I wonder if it really was for myself or if I am doing it for others. Sure my choices and decisions can be influenced by them, but was that what I really wanted? Knowing the motivation or reason behind my choices are blurred and I am struggling to differentiate the two. That’s why I am going to try to take a step back to think and reflect. I feel like I am at a point where I need to start doing things for myself rather than out of obligation. The obligation of school and work are not present at the moment, but that does not mean my growth and learning ends. I let traditional forms of education be my primary source of growth and knowledge, but now I have to go out and seek it myself. With endless possibilities, it is hard for me to know where to start. So I went with reading. I haven’t read a book for myself in years, so I think it would a nice and easy thing to start for myself. Not sure how it’ll go but I’m lucky to get the chance to.